It has become the norm, our behavior has been putting less value each other and our actions are not very becoming. Looking even deeper, we are not valuing ourselves and seeing what our own worth is. So if we can’t even recognize our own worth how can we even begin to see value in others?
For me this journey has hurt a lot of people, friends and family alike, no one was safe. I was quick to mock, slander and make fun of you right to your face, all in the name of fun. I also blamed and accused those closest to me for my own lack and insecurities. After all my past screamed at me, you are nothing. Without getting to in-depth, I grew up being told and shown by many around me that I was less than, I was useless and I was unwanted. It continued on through life, from those closest to me, even authority figures. I let these individuals words and actions demote me, I let their perspective be my truth. I could not see past the deception that my own mind had anchored in and believed it was who I was and all that I would ever be. I took those lies as my truth and sat in that truth.
This may seem like it is a fairytale or a fabrication but it is real and is happening everyday. It continues on a vicious cycle from one person to the next. I passed it on just like a bad book that I proclaimed as a good one. I took my pain, my struggles and projected it on to all around me. I demoted them for my own self absorbed satisfaction. What is sad is that it was so ingrained, I didn’t even see it. It was taught and I observed it from so many sources that I couldn’t see anything but normalcy from it. It became who I was, it became my source of life, a lie.
Then came Jesus, no not the one in the book, the one in my now wife. I knew nothing of the love she showed, not just to me but to all around her. She showed up differently than most people. Even in times when those she loves came against her, belittled her and ostracized her, there she was loving them. She lead me to church, which is a whole different story, but in that building I met Jesus first hand ( the truth is I had already met him ). The blueprint of who He was in His human form was right there, on those pages for all to see. He tapped into the source, the Father and distributed love, an unconditional love that we can’t seem to get in our human experience. He was one with the Father and it showed, He showed up and it was clear to all those whom believed. I was a mind renewing moment for all who wanted to see past their own self images. It was mind blowing to those whom had been beaten down by others, by the law and by religion. It blows my mind still today, how could He just keep loving in-spite of all that came against Him and those whom turned their backs on Him? He was love, thats how! He was the source, He is doing what the Father is doing still today! He is the example, just like my wife was then and still is today. Love is powerful!
I woke up at 3am this morning. God sitting bedside, talking to me about this very thing. I struggle with belief in myself, my worthiness. It shows itself in moments of trials and tribulations. When I have the choice to show up as the blueprint or as my old self image of lack. Its when I get to make that decision of showing up as love or in fear. As God or as Satan. I Am or adversary.
This revelation has been brewing in me for years, it took several people and situations to get me to this moment. I had to deconstruct from taught traits, taught lies and a religious mindset, to find the source of all things, unconditional love! I am still walking this out, its fresh and I am sure I will miss the mark some days. But I now see truth where I believed lies, I now have a greater understanding of love and of what its power is. I see that I Am, the perspective of I Am and the source is part of me, is me and I get the joy and honor to share that with everyone!